no! the day is NOT saved!

the day remains in great peril!

my feelings are all glitter and gold and tarnish

i feel like crying
but i dont even know why
over-wrought heart strings, maybe?
or maybe im just tired
of trying
of being tried

it's true. but it's a sad kind of truth.

it's a sad little strength.

ruminations

-when i go running, i dont wear my glasses, but i do wear my headphones. im like projectile-hellenkeller.

-when my social life is very rich, my teeth become more stained. also i become more cranky at work. a lackluster social calendar is too high a price for a life that doesnt need coffee.

this is not the first time, so i neednt confuse my heart

How long is long enough?
When does long-enough become too-long?
When does time impose its own definition?
When does time justify the heart's expectation?
Just what, exactly, do I think, I'm doing?
When was the last time I had an answer?

because anyone can put on a suit.

it's the effort
the attention to detail.
so hot.
ah, gee.
seriously
im a sucker for them.

these arent my ideas

but they cotton with my mindset

emotions have teeth

we cant stay here
.because ive grown old
and your true love
.has come a-calling

So you turn away
.from our false love
which to me
.was ever as good
as any real emotion
.wreaked from my heart
as a gift to a kindred soul

the solace of false love
.is real
the touch of false flesh
.is concrete

but we cant stay
.at your place
because the wind blows cold
and we cant stay here
.because ive grown old
and your true love
.has come a-calling

i make boys crazy / i attract crazy boys

either way, doesnt matter. the result is the same.

desire is not the moon

but the two are easily confused.

My Night Gave Rise to New Rule

If you have to cut dinner short
because of police action at your home
then you get to eat
the fortune cookie
right then.

No waiting for the end of the meal for you!
You might need this nugget of wisdom
very soon.

thimbleful thoughtful

Which is the important part?
The desire part? The being desired part?
The action?
Or just the thought of the action?
Which part is the part necessary for happiness?
Which part can one shed, and still have sufficient substance?
How important is the Other, when compared with the idea of an Other?

people are so afraid to touch strangers

I am listening to my memeories
I am humming to my thoughts
I am counting myself special

My mind is all
feathers and spangles
There are no soft spots
for lying down

I wonder
how feasible
is a new start
Some things are too important
to shed

i found this in my old notebook

well, not that old. last year, i guess.
how long have i been using paper to scream my tritest or meanest thoughts?
my whole life?
that's my guess.

i have a black belt

in flirting.


i wonder about my motivation.
always.

my normal is broken

drawing pictures of all my silly little flippant thoughts gives them unneccesary weight.
makes me feel better, more centered.... but also more silly and more crazy.
crazy like.... if one were normally to doodle this thought, it would have to be much more intensely felt than i am feeling it.
otherwise, man! i'd be torn apart by a million over-intense feelings.
and i'm not torn.
i'm pushing out the silly little thoughts into the ether,
so i can have my brain back to myself.

question me.

be my only answer.

my heart burns for you

not, um, entirely such a good thing, really?
actually, in the end, quite painful?

people have got their love metaphors all jacked up.
a better way to think of it might be something like:
"my heart reclines on a cloud and is served a warm fruit-based beverage .. for you."