there's a certain delight

in a delightfully large mess
that one has made oneself
in a space which one loves
of objects one enjoys

to sit alone and smiling
drinking your glass of wine
wearing unseasonable clothing
and gazing at your piles

of fabric scraps
of thrift-store books
of shoes and purses
of mis-matched chairs
of empty cups and kitchen towels
potted plants and pencil jars

gives joy
the joy of having done
the joy of ownership
of having the ability to say
"this have i made,
and so shall it remain
for all that i survey
is rightly mine"

this is sometimes worth more
than order

i'm afraid (repost from myspace)

november 28, 2005:

I’m afraid of my passionate emotions. I’m afraid that extreme emotions mirror each other. I’m afraid that if I got to know the people I hate that I’d discover I love them. I’m terrified of the crippling dependency that comes with loving people. I’m afraid that I’m not enjoying my city enough. I’m always afraid that I’m not appreciating my life enough as it’s happening. I’m afraid of forgetting events that have happened to me. This is a very practical fear because I have a mind like a steel sieve. I’m afraid people will think I’m greater than I am. I’m afraid of letting down my dad. I’m afraid that no one actually gets me but jenn. I’m even more afraid of people who think they really get me and just don’t. I’m afraid of being so mildly unhappy that I don’t realize it’s killing me, until I meet someone who throws it in my face. This is a logical fear because it’s happened to me before. Im afraid that everything I do is routine. That I cant remember things ive done because they are so very commonplace to me that I cant be sure if they’ve even happened at all. I’m wildly afraid of being un-unique. Of being a follower. Of not being true to myself. Im afraid of judging other people. Im afraid of finding out that not caring what others think of me influences me in such a way that makes it the same as caring.

and it opened up my eyes! (repost from myspace)

december 1, 2005:

ace of base "i saw the sign" is a very good song. stop acting all uppitty about it, like you're too good for them. asher sarlin and i can't both be wrong.

do people actually change? (repost from myspace)

december 6, 2005:

Or do you just become more or less intensely you through choices you make? Or can you not help but be true to yourself if you are the one making your choices? Is it possible to betray yourself? Or to teach yourself a lesson?

Is it wrong to expect people to keep on being the same as you remember them? Is that an insult? Do we remember people based on a package created of all their characteristics? Or are our memories of them only a shade of their characteristics we admire most? Or their characteristics we despise?

Are expectations the same as stereotypes?

By striving to be other than you are, are you being more, or less, You in the present? Is it more honest to accept yourself or to change yourself?

mindless (repost from myspace)

december 19, 2005:

i went to click on your pictures link and it somehow opened back up my JDE screen for work. it was like myspace was telling me to quit slacking off.

The sky wouldnt be shit without clouds. im driving to work in the morning and the sunrise is breathtaking and im having trouble maintaining my lane from looking at it. and im expecting everyone around me to be looking too cuz its HOT PINK AND HUGE!! but no. the mindless beautyless drones are just driving. who can drive at a time like this?!? look up, worker bees, and behold! life! it's everywhere!!



and on an unrelated note: please dont hack into my myspace and change my personal info. thats rude. i dont do that to you. except you, scott. that was totally me.

it's a new day, but it all feels old (repost from myspace)

january 3, 2006:

Maybe you didn’t know, because I certainly didn’t, that harps are ridiculously expensive. Please be on the lookout for one that costs less than Egypt, cuz I really want one. I have this fantastical idea of playing harps at weddings for a few hours each weekend then lounging and volunteering the rest of the time. Really im desperately seeking something that will pay, and that I will neither dread nor loathe. No such luck so far.



If there were some way to receive monetary compensation for starting and then not finishing craft projects, then that would be the career path for me. I love trying new things. Love love love it. But Im not quite so good at following through. Or maybe ive just not found anything like I like enough to do all the time. Except eat sushi. That hobby’s working out quite nicely. If youre in the market for a half cross-stitched stocking, or a half-knitted scarf, or a half-painted portrait, then let me give you my business card. “Andi: she almost does a lot of stuff.”



And, to sum up: A cop, when pulling you over, will never, under any circumstances, compliment on you the excellent place you have chosen for the both of you to pull over. Doesn’t matter how appropriate nor how fabulous, he will not ask for your licenceandregistration then say “and I just want to say thank you for the thoughtful pulling over spot.” Don’t kid yourself.

it sucks when youve got all the answers (repost from myspace)

january 13, 2006:

and none of your friends want to cheat off of you.