november 28, 2005:
I’m afraid of my passionate emotions. I’m afraid that extreme emotions mirror each other. I’m afraid that if I got to know the people I hate that I’d discover I love them. I’m terrified of the crippling dependency that comes with loving people. I’m afraid that I’m not enjoying my city enough. I’m always afraid that I’m not appreciating my life enough as it’s happening. I’m afraid of forgetting events that have happened to me. This is a very practical fear because I have a mind like a steel sieve. I’m afraid people will think I’m greater than I am. I’m afraid of letting down my dad. I’m afraid that no one actually gets me but jenn. I’m even more afraid of people who think they really get me and just don’t. I’m afraid of being so mildly unhappy that I don’t realize it’s killing me, until I meet someone who throws it in my face. This is a logical fear because it’s happened to me before. Im afraid that everything I do is routine. That I cant remember things ive done because they are so very commonplace to me that I cant be sure if they’ve even happened at all. I’m wildly afraid of being un-unique. Of being a follower. Of not being true to myself. Im afraid of judging other people. Im afraid of finding out that not caring what others think of me influences me in such a way that makes it the same as caring.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment