forgivemefatherforihavesinned... (repost from myspace)

may 9, 2006:

it's been three weeks since my last confession.

so im not moving anymore.

christian moved though, which helps. at least i get to live out of boxes and move furniture around and his place.

what i love about tuesdays is Lunch with Ben. here are some reasons why, cuz i know you care: it's lunch, so it's got a prescribed beginning and end. it's ben, and if you still like me after living with me, then that's great. he pays cuz he has this Job, and there's nothing like a free lunch. he doesnt give me a guilt trip if i reschedule. he likes having breakfast for lunch and like that too. he knows a lot of great racist jokes, and theres nothin like a black man telling racist jokes in public. he wears big funny sunglasses, and so do i. he makes fun of me and i make fun of him and we love each other. i never have to worry about Finding Time for Ben. we've found it. it's 11:30-12:30 most tuesdays. theres none of that sohowsworkworksgoodsohowrethings talk cuz we just talked last week. so we can cut the shit and talk about what makes us who we are.

i wish i had this with all my friends. the lovely, no-pressure, just for an hour, just taking a breather from all the things people want me to do. just having a drink. just planting some seeds. just having some tea. just going for a run. just one hour with everyone, one at a time, once a week.

or just the ideal of it.
i really go in for impractical crushes. i love a lot of things about them, just ask ansley or lauren. i cant list out my Secret Loves in my head starting back in high school. but i think what im really after isn't a romance. what i think i really have, when i'm honest with myself. are friendcrushes... like, "i wish i were *such* good friends with andy," or whomever. just cut past the bullshit. cut past the uncomfortable getting-to-know-you and get straight to judgement-free completely relaxed completely dependable friendship. it's not impossible. i did with with tom moran. straight from "oh, hey, dont we have class together?" to calling at midnight for advice then pajama party watching cartoons friendship. it is so magical, and i think we all take it for granted. i know i do. i have always felt that there is nothing so noble, nor so simple as friendship.

on a related note, why not buy me a drink? i dont get paid this week, so i cant aford it, but lets get together for an hour and talk. or sit and make fun of people who walk past us. im selling rekindled friendships. cost: vodka martini extra dirty.

today is a day when i wish samantha hadn't moved.

may 19th is a day when jenniferelizabeth moves back!

june 20th is a day when ginny comes home to soddy daisy for a teasing little taste of pretending she's coming back in america, when she's really just coming back to texas. which is crap. but im not bitter.